To no one’s surprise (I’m sure), it took me just about two weeks to fall off the boat in terms of my write365 challenge (at least posting them). Rest assured, over the weekend I’ll catch up. There are some great prompts in here!
Work has been hard lately, harder than expected. As I’ve told my best friend, my most recent qualms are really testing my ability to maintain composure and maintain professionalism. It’s very hard being one of four non-tenure teachers in the building. Although many say they want to help, often times it feels like “non-tenure” is treated like Hawthorne’s scarlet letter. It makes us stand out. It makes us walk on eggshells. It’s a hindrance.
I’m finding that red letter to be acting as a weight in my classroom. Now, I can admit that I’m struggling to find my writing voice this year, unfortunately more than I had ever hoped. I know that I can do better and be better than I am, but I don’t think that I’m the worst teacher in the world nor am I doing my students a disservice by being their teacher. What has been weighting down my years is being treated as though I do not know as much as I should. Having studied English for five consecutive years, I can say, confidently, that I am a strong writer, especially when it comes to the stylings of a seventh grade essay. Being questioned on my ability to construct an introduction or incorporate transitions is truly a besmirching of my character as an English enthusiast as well as disrespecting my role as an English teacher. However, I wear that “A,” and in my dragon filled second home, the stigma of being new is followed soon after by the advice to not ruffle feathers, bring attention to oneself, or mess with “the tenured” before earning that cherished piece of educational gold. It’s frustrating to be on the receiving end of some sad type of educational hazing and testing of qualifications, but I think it’s more pathetic to devote one’s life to treating others this way and trying to look as though you’re changing the world. Hell, who am I to judge? I’m non-tenured.
Anyway, to bring this up, today ended our appreciation days, and the hands were a’flying. In comparison to last year, I feel as though the people who shared support actually shared support. Being the huge dork that I am, I took a picture of them to carry the little notes with me. This one in particular touched me. Whoever had written it gets it.. or me.
Today’s lessons: Rain grows flowers, not thunder, and things like this matter.
And the other stuff? Well, there will always be someone clawing for glory no matter which occupation you choose. Keep in mind (and I need to keep in mind) that platinum shines brighter than gold.
Something ’bout platinum irrefutably looks as good on records as it does on me.