Slice of self acceptance.

“Love is louder than the pressure to be perfect.”

A great friend of mine posted that on her instagram to welcome in her sorority’s ANAD week. I’ve seen this quote before, often paired with a TWLOHA posting, but it hit me today more than usual.

After school today, a colleague and I shared many, many laughs while playing with slinkies (yes, slinkies). What started as a lesson on chromosomes and the distribution of traits among siblings soon became a slinky challenge for the longest.. slink? Anyway, we filmed ourselves making these contraptions to send to one of our girls, and when I watched the replay.. my, oh my..

I was horrified to see how I looked. I mean horrified. Is that really what I look like?! Have I let myself go so much that I’ve come to that?! I was mortified after viewing that, and the more I look at it, the worse I feel. I know that I’ve gained an ungodly thirty pounds (..yes) since I began this career over a year ago. I’ve always been a plus sized girl, and weight has always been an issue for me. There were years of my adulthood in which I learned to accept myself (sadly, it took that long); I surrounded myself with a fun loving group who cared less about appearance and more about heart. Since then, I feel that I’m back in the shadow of my own spotlight feeling so uncomfortable in my own skin. With so many big moments coming up in the next few months, I feel myself sinking deeper and deeper into this abyss.

Self love is the most important love you can have in your life. It’s hard to give a part of yourself to someone when you don’t reserve any for yourself. What my bear posted is such a meaningful lesson to learn: love IS louder than the pressure to be perfect. It’s more important to know that you.. I.. am a great person. I’m a fighter. I’m a loving teacher. I’m a dedicated best friend. I’m also a plus sized woman. Also. That’s not the main part of this definition.

Moving forward to the happiest days of my girls’ lives, I hope to find the happiness in myself that has been pushed aside for a while. I hope to find love, from outside and within. Someone out there loves a heart like mine.

Love is louder.

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4 thoughts on “Slice of self acceptance.

  1. I’m sorry that watching the video was difficult, but I’m glad you saw that quote because it’s so true. Thanks for sharing your story.

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