“Love is louder than the pressure to be perfect.”
A great friend of mine posted that on her instagram to welcome in her sorority’s ANAD week. I’ve seen this quote before, often paired with a TWLOHA posting, but it hit me today more than usual.
After school today, a colleague and I shared many, many laughs while playing with slinkies (yes, slinkies). What started as a lesson on chromosomes and the distribution of traits among siblings soon became a slinky challenge for the longest.. slink? Anyway, we filmed ourselves making these contraptions to send to one of our girls, and when I watched the replay.. my, oh my..
I was horrified to see how I looked. I mean horrified. Is that really what I look like?! Have I let myself go so much that I’ve come to that?! I was mortified after viewing that, and the more I look at it, the worse I feel. I know that I’ve gained an ungodly thirty pounds (..yes) since I began this career over a year ago. I’ve always been a plus sized girl, and weight has always been an issue for me. There were years of my adulthood in which I learned to accept myself (sadly, it took that long); I surrounded myself with a fun loving group who cared less about appearance and more about heart. Since then, I feel that I’m back in the shadow of my own spotlight feeling so uncomfortable in my own skin. With so many big moments coming up in the next few months, I feel myself sinking deeper and deeper into this abyss.
Self love is the most important love you can have in your life. It’s hard to give a part of yourself to someone when you don’t reserve any for yourself. What my bear posted is such a meaningful lesson to learn: love IS louder than the pressure to be perfect. It’s more important to know that you.. I.. am a great person. I’m a fighter. I’m a loving teacher. I’m a dedicated best friend. I’m also a plus sized woman. Also. That’s not the main part of this definition.
Moving forward to the happiest days of my girls’ lives, I hope to find the happiness in myself that has been pushed aside for a while. I hope to find love, from outside and within. Someone out there loves a heart like mine.
Love is louder.