Slice of the realization of change.

It’s crazy to think of how fast things change.

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In a year and a half, the top room became the bottom. I went from student teacher to being solely in charge of seventh grade language arts. My once cooperating teacher is now my predecessor and the teacher of whom I have replaced. The family grown in the new hall is now a group I pass from time to time. Change.

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The girl who dawned her best new top to take on the world (and picture day) is now sitting at this blank page wondering how in the world is she going to be able to express what is really bothering her right now.

It’s crazy to think of how fast things change.

I started this year off (now, mind you, it’s only *officially* day three) feeling so confident, so in love with my kids (whom I taught last year), and so ready to flourish in ways that I know I couldn’t in my reading room. My first lesson regarding brainstorming traits of good and bad writers (which bled into identifying why writers write and how successful writers apply the characteristics of “good writers they had identified into the methods and purposes they have created) was a huge success; unbeknownst to them at the time, the students identified the ways in which they will be successful in my class: what they will incorporate in their essays and what they will strive to omit. The do-now gelled. The organization bit rolled. It all worked.

Today didn’t feel as successful, and, although I want to keep a positive outlook, I’m stretching for it. Today’s lesson on the holistic rubric and defining expectations was as smooth as sand paper. One of my CST students consumed my spirit, and what should have been a co-teaching environment in third period became a one-on-one setting with a frustrated teen. It felt like I couldn’t help no matter how hard I tried. He threw papers in frustration; he muttered at the people around him. No matter how long I sat in front of his desk and provided assistance, this was a battle I wasn’t meant to win.

One of my closest confidants here warned me of the sophomore slump.. the proverbial slippage of productivity due to complacency, comfort, or cockiness. While I don’t think those will apply, I’m afraid of a challenge slump – being hit with something so new and so foreign to me that I become consumed with one thing and leave the rest behind. Will this student lead to my sophomore slump? Today I felt like I gave and gave and gave, and no matter what I said, it wasn’t enough. I went from flying high to feeling like I wasn’t enough.

It’s crazy to think of how fast things changes.
Now, on to tomorrow.

 

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4 thoughts on “Slice of the realization of change.

    • Thank you. You’re right; new situations (and, well, any situations) can bring this out of even the most positive of us. Here’s to hoping that things will continue to change – but this time, for the better.

  1. Oh gosh, I remember being where you are so clearly. My first job was in 8th grade language arts, and it was definitely challenging. Who am I kidding? It’s STILL challenging! Focus on all the good things – they outweigh the bad, I promise. Have you joined Ruth Ayres’s Celebration Saturday link up? It will help you pay attention to celebratory things. It’s amazing how it will change your focus!

    • Although I’d never want anyone to feel this frustrated, it’s reassuring to know that I’m walking in a worn path. Thanks for mentioning Celebration Saturday – it sounds great! I’ll have to add that to the weekly postings along with Slice of life 🙂

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