There are always those days when you question if you’re worth it, if you’re a worthy coworker, daughter, friend. Okay, we’re not the best at everything, and we all have our moments, but let me say this loud an clear: you are enough. I am enough.
At a meeting intended to inspire, I spent over a half an hour questioning if I’m a worthy enough, positive enough, caring enough teacher. A quality presentation was had, but instead of feeling supported, all I felt were judging eyes and skeptical glares. Do I acknowledge more good than bad? Am I always there for the kids? Instead of feeling empowered by a school wide initiative to improve the overall attitude of the learning experience, there I was feeling like the Titanic sinking deeper and deeper the more I questioned myself.
Later on, the anger set in, as it tends to do. I questioned whose place it was to even consider ranking how I feel about my students, especially those who need improvement in this area themselves. After a prolonged grading hiatus for reflection, I realized that I am enough. I’m god damn enough. As I came to this conclusion, a movie passed through my head of all the moments I’ve spent over the last five months that honored the best children in my life – my walk, the relays, the basketball and football games, the dinners and tutoring sessions and spontaneous visits at practices. Who is anyone to tell me that I don’t care about my kids beyond the realm of being my students? Who says that I don’t hear them?
Granted, after this colorful tirade to my work mom, I came to yet another conclusion: why should I care about how anyone views my connections with my students? She had then shared a piece of information that I had long forgotten: we’re not in it for the recognition; we’re in it for the kids. Therefore, who cares if anyone else thinks you’re not enough? So what if you don’t get the teacher gold star because someone saw you doing something for your kids? You are you. You know what you do and why you do it. Do it for the kids. To hell with anyone who thinks otherwise.
The most important blurb in this word vomit of a vent session: an ever heartfelt shoutout goes to my work mamas, all of them, without whom I couldn’t possibly survive these crazy dragon days. You are all so loved.
Stand your ground, youngins.
You’re something else.
–Ms. Sassy and strong